Forgive me
by OrlithNightfire
Summary: Rose is Broken, and she's not sure she can be fixed. spoilsers for Girl in the fire placeAN: Warning Hugh Mickey Bashing in this one, way OOC. but i needed a bad guy. don't get me wrong, i like Mickey...kinda if he just stayed out of the TARDIS.


Forgive me

She lay upon the hard floor, the pain in her side like liquid fire. She knew she was hurt badly, the futuristic ray gun slicing into her flesh like a hot knife into butter. Even as she sat there, hand gingerly covering the wound feeling the warm blood seep through her fingers. The argument with Mickey came fore front into her mind.

_"He abandoned you Rose. He didn't think he could get back Rose. He left you to die. For us to die" he said, condescending, as if talking to a 5 year old._

"_He did what he had to, what he always does" she replied, understanding his decision did not make it easier to bear._

"_What he has to? He could have found another way. Set the TARDIS to go and get him after the events had happened" Mickey was being strangely smart right now._

"_There wasn't time Mickey. Now leave it alone"_

"_No I won't, until you see how stupid you are being! Until you come home to be with me!" he shouted at her, taking hold of her wrist. She wrenched it free_

"_Strangely enough Mickey. The universe does not revolve round you" she began to walk out._

"_And he does not revolve round you Rose." He said bitterly_

"_I know." She replied in a whisper._

"_Go on then, have your adventure. But what happens when he sees another pretty girl. Will he leave you to die? Forget about you? Well don't come crying to me!"_

_She knew then, that she never would again._

The pain brought her back to the moment, had Mickey been right after all? Whatever, she could not stay here on the cold concrete in the middle of this war torn scene. Seeing the trees in the park, a group of bushes beneath she began to drag herself to them. Inch by agonising Inch she dragged herself there, the blackness trying to take vision from her but she fought it. Finally she felt grass under her hands. It was non too dissimilar from earth grass. Green but it smelled complexly different. It actually smelt like cannabis, which made her giggle at the absurdity of it. She wondered absently if the entire planet got high on it? But most probably not, there wouldn't be a war on; they would be all laid back, hair in dreads listening to Reggie. Which made her laugh even more.

She knew she was not thinking straight, mind fogged by pain and blood loss. All she could see was blue eyes and big ears. Her Doctor, she really must be dying if she was seeing him. He looked so mad, beyond anger but it was not directed at her. She vaguely noted that she could see through him. Yep definitely dying. That brought the thought of did all good Doctors go to heaven? Which had her laughing once more.

She felt her eyelids growing heavy, all the time his panicked and angry expression would flick to her eyes, then leave to scan the area as if he was looking for something. Then he was gone.

_So, Rose Tyler. You're all alone again. The Doctor has probably buggered off with another girl, forgot about you. Probably shagging her against the console right now. Hey, maybe even Mickey is joining in. _

She told her insane mind in no uncertain terms to shut up!

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Where was she? He had been helping the nuns escape from the bombed church, then Mickey had been caught so he had to go rescue the stupid ape. He was so ready to punch him, all they way he kept saying it wasn't his fault. Never mind the fact that he had followed that woman he had been drooling over. She was the bait for the trap, idiot! But oh no, all it was him going on _"how was I to know she worked for them!" "She seemed nice"._ No mention of Rose in there oh no, he had actually left her, alone. They were supposed to stick together. She when he asked the pointed question of "where's Rose?" Mickey had looked blank a moment, as if to say "Rose?" The clarity behind his eyes.

"I don't know Doctor. I.." but he was cut off.

"You went off to chase another women leaving Rose on her own!" his voice of pure darkness.

"What? It's not like you haven't done it before!" Mickey shouted back. How dare he!

"I would never leave Rose in danger"

"Oh that's a bit rich that is Doctor! What about you knight on white horse stunt to same Madam…what's her name" he waved his hand around as if she was not important, making the Doctors anger rise. "No, you jumped through that magic mirror thing, Knowing full well there was no way back! The fact the fireplace was there was just a fluke! And Rose still defends you! After you throw her away for someone smarter, showing Rose she is the stupid shop girl she always was. I should be thanking you Doctor. You finally made her realise her worth. She should be running back to me. But no, always defend the lonely Time Lord!" Mickey stomped off as the Doctors blood turned to ice. He had refused to think of the consequences of his action that day….but it all crashed in on him in that moment Oh by Rassilon what had he done? He had to find her, had to show her.

The Doctor ran past Mickey back towards the church, the ruins still smouldering. Where could he start looking? He looked towards where the spire used to be, and there in the shadow something caught his eye. Black leather and blue eyes, piercing anger and betrayal. The form turned and walked towards what once would have been the courtyard. He followed, Mickey following him.

"How do you know she's this way Doctor?" So Mickey could not see this him. Not surprising, he was probably hallucinating. The form of his ninth self walked over the cold concrete to where there was a patch of blood and the Doctor's heart stopped. Mickey was shouting for Rose as if he had been searching for hour's not mere moments, as if he cared more. He saw the marks trail to the bushes, seeing his ninth self, standing there in the shadows of the tree behind the bush and knew she was there. The Anger radiation from the ice-blue eyes told that much. So he ran faster than he could remember travelling. And was there by her side, seeing one hand limply covering the wound on the left side of her stomach near her hip, in a vain attempt to stop the flow of blood. He pulled out of his pocket a handkerchief, and then moved her hand to press the cloth tight upon the wound. She whimpered and convulsed trying to shy away from the touch that caused her pain.

"Shh Rose, It will be okay" he soothed her, stroking her face tenderly.

"Doc…tor? Hum, two for..the price…of one" she murmured looking at a point to her right, where he could feel the ice stare looking at the back of his neck. She could see him?

"She's delirious Doctor. What we going to do?" Mickey was babbling like a headless chicken. He ignored him and gently lifted Rose into his arms, she whimpered a little, burying her hot head in the crook of his neck, hand clutching at the suit that was quickly becoming stained with her blood.

"I'm sorry" he whispered after her every whimper of pain, every tightened grip of his shirt at his movement.

"Mickey, open the door" Mickey took the key out of Roses pocket and opened the TARDIS door. He flew through the console room towards the Med Bay. Feeling the TARDIS already checking Rose over, concern and haste directed at the Doctor, spurring him faster.

He laid her upon one of the beds in the clean sterile room, hearing her laboured breathing. He pushed Mickey out of the room, telling him he needed to work the TARDIS obediently locking the door. He became the detached Doctor, removing her top and healing the damage, trying to keep her on this plane. All the time feeling the angered blue eyes watching him. He looked up seeing his ninth self, leaning against one of the sideboards arms crossed across his chest. The Doctor gave Rose a blood transfusion and sat down to wait, holding her hand.

"You know, you can stop looking at me like that. You're going to melt a whole into my head"

"_That might not be a bad idea"_ Came the reply in a northern accent.

"I didn't mean for this!" He shouted back.

"_We never do, but this time you went too far. And I'm not talking about today. Why are you pushing her away?" _ The stare never lessoning while he talked.

"I'm not. I just….."

"_You really are a pretty boy,"_ Said his past self rolling his eyes and walking towards Rose, stroking her face with a ghostly hand.

"Oi"

_"Do you truly think so little of her now? To run off with a walking puff cake in the Victorian era. Leaving our Rose to die on a abandoned space ship with only Rickey for company?"_

"She was not a walking puff cake!" darkness edging into his gaze.

"_So you will defend her to the hilt but not Rose?"_ Blue locked on brown.

"I would die if it would save her."

_"Bit hollow really, as seen as you don't actually die. Just regenerate"_

"What do you want me to say? That I would give up all my regenerations for her if I could? Because I would okay? But it won't make any difference. She'll die! She'll leave and we are alone again!"

_"So you are scared of being alone? How is you pushing her away any different? Other than you will be alone a lot sooner."_ The northern accent gentle.

"I won't become attached. It will hurt less" the Doctor replied sadly.

_"We both know that is a lie. She wants to spend the rest of her life with you. And you and I both know it could be one hell of a long life. You could take her billions of years into the future where human life is extended 500 years. But you're just too afraid. We are getting old; our mercy is all but spent. We both know we need her to balance us." _He could see his ninth self fading, looking longingly at Rose.

"What do I do?"

_"Stop pushing her away. Enjoy whatever time you have. We both know I did. In the end everything dies. Even us, even time."_ The he was gone, only a memory making the Doctor wonder if he had seen him or had in fact been talking to himself. The banging on the door brought him to the moment. Seeing Rose was sleeping and would be ok he walked to the door and opened it.

"Shut up Rickey, you'll wake her up," he whispered harshly.

"Is she okay?"

"she will be."

"I want to see her" Mickey pushed past him and rushed up to the sleeping form on the bed, gently holding her hand. The Doctor held back his anger at Mickey and walked to the console room. He would do some repairs, the TARDIS would tell him when she was awake.

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Feeling slowly came back to her, the pain was gone, and all she could feel was the sensation of someone holding her hand. For a fleeting moment she thought it was the Doctor. But knowing his hands so well, it couldn't be. She opened her eyes to be met with the face of Mickey. He did not look concerned as such, but righteous and a little guilty. For a moment she thought he was guilty because she got hurt, and was about to tell him it wasn't his fault. When his words stopped that thought.

"I told you Rose, he was too busy chasing after nuns and you got hurt"

"What you on about Mickey?"

"I told you we should go home, that he didn't care. Wait till the next women comes along" he continued. Rose felt the TARDIS seethe in anger.

"You're lying. There's something your not telling me" she sat up, the wound and the planet forgotten, as Mickey refused to meet her gaze.

"Nothing Rose"

"You're lying again," he would not answer. So the TARDIS did it for him, showing Rose what he had done.

"How dare you talk of the Doctor running off with another women…when you did the exact same" she said coldly

"How did you…?" he looked like a deer caught in headlights

"The TARDIS told me" his expression seemed to change. Anger and disgust.

"Well what do you expect? You really are blind Rose."

"What do you mean?" she asked, voice afraid, she was the little girl again chased by the bad wolf.

"Your just a filler Rose, until something better comes along. For both of us"

"So you were going to get me home, keep me around until you found some one better?" shock running through her voice.

"Why not, the Doctor did. You did it to me. You're not worth anything Rose. Why are you so surprised that you have been used? After all…you have used me. A safety net. Well no more. I've had enough. I feel sorry for the guy that gets a backstabbing bitch like you" This must be all the anger, all the hate she had instilled in him. Tears fell from her eyes as he walked from the room. Not for the loss of him, but for what she had done to him. She could not claim innocence today. Maybe he was right.

She fled the Med bay. Walking into the wardrobe. There she found the leather Jacket, still holding his scent. She curled up in a corner under one of the mesh plating under the floor. She pulled the jacket over her head, surrounding herself in the scent of the only man that she could ever trust. And she cried, her pain her loss. She was truly alone…and it had been her fault in more ways than she could ever know.

The Doctor looked up as Mickey strode in the room, his face dark and triumphant.

"Take me home Doctor"

"What brought this about?"

"I've had enough." The Doctor looked at him a moment, then set course for the Powell estate. They arrived in mere seconds. Seems the TARDIS wanted to get rid of him. The Doctor frowned as barely contained fury came down the link from the TARDIS.

"See ya Doctor. I've done what I needed to do. Hope she's a good filler. She was for me."

"What have you done?"

"Told her some home truths, now I had better be getting back to Trisha" then Rickey the idiot was gone. The Doctor stood immobile a moment.

_"Find her pretty boy! She needs you now! Or so help me…… I'll haunt you"_

He ran, the Tardis bringing the door before him, to emerge in the wardrobe room. He heard her sobbing, so heart broken.

"Rose?" he walked gently to where the sound of the sobbing emanated, his plimsoll soles making hardly a sound on the metal floors. He saw her through the grating, seeing her covered in his old leather jacket and his hearts broke. He crawled in with her, never remembering this space as big as this, no doubt the TARDIS being helpful. He got to where her head should be and lifted the jacket up a little so he could peek inside,

"Peek-a-boo. I see a Rose Tyler"

"Leave me alone" came a snotty reply

"Rose…please" he pulled the jacket back again; he was lying on his side beside her. Seeing her face he grabbed hold of her and brought her into a hug. She cried harder, fisting his suit in her hand. He just held her while she cried herself horse.

"What's the matter Rose? What did Mickey do? What ever he said it isn't true"

"But it is Doctor, you both proved it" she said, he voice so hollow.

"Proved what?"

"That I'm just a tool. Something to make you feel safe while you find someone better. Then you can dump me and clear off. Mickey has. You have."

"I…what?"

"You left me, alone on a station to be with her, no thought you just went. And I don't blame her, I don't blame you. It's just how you are this time. Maybe it is me. I mean, you lied to me. Said you would never leave me. But you did. No explanation. No nothing. But that's okay too. As I said, it's my fault really; I thought I could trust you like I did before. But….I can't can I? Turns out he was the only person I could trust, he never left me. But you're here…"

The Doctor was stunned to silence, had he broken her this much. He had never done this to a companion, not to this extent. What the hell had he become?

"Doctor…I think I'm broken….and I don't think I can be fixed" her eyes had a dead look about them. Oh god no, anything but that.

"No Rose, you are going to be fine, forget Mickey. I'll fix you. Your not a safety net, your Rose Tyler, avenging angel." He babbled she looked at him, and he held his breath. He felt that presence again.

"Give the pretty boy another chance." For a moment Rose swore the Doctors eyes were blue. But only for an instant.

"Okay Doctor…fix me for I am broken" he smiled his full teeth smile, then his lips were on hers, and she could feel the fractures healing. The smashed mirror that was her heart becoming whole. But it would take a long time to restore the trust. But perhaps it would be better, stronger.

They wriggled out from under the floor and she hung the jacket back up with one final caress.

"Hope you don't fix me like you fix the TARDIS" she said, sticking her tongue out between her teeth.

"What, a quick hit to the head with the mallet will do wonders"

"That from experience?"

"Might be"

"Well that explains a lot"

"What?" his eyes narrowed.

"Explains how you can be so dense" then she ran, laughing. Before the Doctor gave chase he looked back to see his former self, the gaze not so dark as before.

"We do love you Rose Tyler. And it is about time we showed you. And then maybe some day you will forgive me" his ninth self nodded in agreement, before fading to were he should be. In his memories.

The end.

KITG: little Story for you. Hope you like.


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